So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
