his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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