But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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