Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
