I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
