I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
