but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
