yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
