i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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