there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize