My sheets look like a crime scene.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
