It's Friday. Sex?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
