I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
