I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Four minutes until I can fart!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
