apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
