somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
