Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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