cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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