...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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