we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
