I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
