So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
