The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize