Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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