Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is the high leading the old right now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
