Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
