I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
too bad you live with your parents still
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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