Moan for me like Helen Keller
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
