sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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