some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
