Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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