I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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