I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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