whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
