That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
