I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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