just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
