I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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