the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
