I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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