I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
