I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
