My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
