fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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