In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
