When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
