can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
