2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
