Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
