i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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