I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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