In the future we'll all be gay
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
