I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
