Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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