youre lurking in front of me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize