It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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