haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
