Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
