You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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