so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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