Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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