This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize