we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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