He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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