just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
