I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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