No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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