I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
how does that bad decision feel?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
