haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
