All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
