This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
