I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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