oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
