he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
