Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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