My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
