Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
