we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
