any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
