hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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