I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
