his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
