please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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