that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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