Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
