dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it hurts more in the daytime
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
