omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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