i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
