Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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