Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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