we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
