i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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