She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize