just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she peed on how many people?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
