I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
