barbara walters just said penis...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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