I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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