that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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