lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
