oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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