Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
