Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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