party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize