I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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