dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
