Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
