His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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