Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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