My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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