margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
my liver is dry heaving
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
