tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
