I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize