I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
