You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
