My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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