Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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