i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
