Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize