um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
