When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
