woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
