I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm going to jail i love you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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