I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My dick has a subreddit
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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